"If we had a keen vision and feeling of all ordinary human life, it would be like hearing the grass grow and the squirrel's heart beat, and we should die of that roar which lies on the other side of silence."
~George Eliot

Yup. This is love:

- My sweetheart sending me this link because she knows it will amuse and distract me- all at the same time!
- Agreeing with me that a movie deserves one star. Or less than a star. Or maybe just some very cheap stardust.
- Drinking a hot chocolate/orange coffee latte-thingy because it makes me insanely happy to think that she might even remotely like a latte-thingy.
- Actually knowing what the acronym HCN means. And using it in a fantasy. :D
- Experiencing Buffalo winter winds. Hating them. But still loving me~ <3
- Agreeing to the purchase of three Harry Potter tickets waaaaaaaaay in advance- because I might have died of a stress related illness if we hadn't.
- Loving Jane Austen. Because Regency stuff is just SEXY.
- And dropping massive hints about a Christmas present no one else in the world could possibly have earned. :D

(Te amo, baby~)

I was greeted at the door last night by three cats- my sweetheart smiled warmly from the couch while I tried to make certain that the apartment dwelling kitties stayed apartment dwelling. Strange thing about cats- the hallway of your apartment building is always SO MUCH COOLER than the place they actually live. x.X

Two movies had arrived from Netflix. One totally cheesy spoof thingy... yup- that'd be mine. And a serial killer horror movie thingy. Yup... that'd be Jenn's.

I know she loves me. She tells me so everyday. But when a horror film junkie said that it frightened them... the nervous little blonde probably doesn't want to enjoy it.

"But it has lesbians in it- it was on AfterEllen.com!"

"But I am prone to Extraordinarily Overactive Imagination Syndrome. And I'll cry alot."

"But it has lesbians!"

"So does Texas! You don't see us living there!"

That probably would have been the conversation... if we hadn't compromised and watched Buffy instead... which has killing- and lesbians...

These early November hours
That crimson the creeper's leaf across
Like a splash of blood, intense, abrupt,
O'er a shield: else gold from rim to boss
And lay it for show on the fairy-cupped
Elf-needled mat of moss.
-Robert Browning

November... a month of brown and fading colors- the brilliance of October has danced itself down to a plainer, mourning attitude. The world, it seems, is dying. But not so! Deep within the freezing earth, roots and seeds lay still- waiting... sleeping, only. Spring will come. But- before it- the winter must.

It is the constant change of seasons- the turn of the wheel- the effortless flow of nature around us that makes the concept of the Wheel of the Year such an important one in my life. I am captivated by it- enchanted- held captive by its beauty and grace.

I am a child of nature. I grew up on the back of a pony- somewhere out on a frost covered field. I learned the trees in our wood by heart- pressing childish mittens to the snowy bark- listening intently for the magic beneath. I was enthralled with it- as I am now. Some things we never grow out of.

Still with childish wonder I wait for Thanksgiving. I breathe in deeply the scent of sweetly decaying leaves and saturated ground. The earth is shifting- changing... ready to accept the mantle of snow that will soon come. It is upon the air- lift your face to the wind, and she will murmur future moments into your soul. The winter is coming.

But it is still Autumn- the trees are drowsily curtsying for their final dance of the year. The Queen of Winter is descending from her throne- ready to climb into her sleigh and show the world what beauty truly is. And the leaves settle in their mossy beds- their only flight ended.

This amazing young woman wrote an essay on the passing of Proposition 2 (for all those who don't know- the lovely little piece of legislation that wrote into the Texas Constitution that gay people are no longer people) which is filled with a raging eloquence that I am absolutely touched beyond words by.

Go read it for yourself. I only wish that there were a trillion and one more dearhearts like her.

Sarah: I already drank three cups of green tea today...
Laura: Yeah, well- I've already had six.

(At 9:30 in the morning.)

The only thing that I knew about the Carolina Panthers before Monday was that they had a panther as their logo. My crush in girl scouts actually doodled it in my notebook once... That I remember. (Please note- this blonde despises football as much as she loves women. Ie- alot.)

But then this happens... which might lead to my conversion.

According to Juicee News, this shows that they both loved the same charity- both went to the same college... and Renee wanted to become a dentist... and Angela was already a nurse. See? Things in common! So Lesbian. (The fact that they were also both women helps.)

When I first read the article yesterday I was disgusted. "Ew. So who did they have sex with?" When I scrolled back up- I read that they had it... together.

This stuff does NOT happen in the NFL- or else I really would have assumed. But maybe we should! Lesbian cheerleaders... it could be the greatest thing ever.

So... so many people were invading CarolinaPanthers.com that they had to shut down their web site for twenty-four hours. It was the most visited bit of news in the entire day- and the most emailed news bit on ESPN ever, apparently.

I found one page that had a running commentary by men... who... Well. It appears that every single red blooded male on the planet wouldn't mind inviting them to dinner. Just as long as they promised to get naked afterward.

It's just... I suppose it makes my skin crawl. These two women were doing something out of passion... and it has turned into a Girls Gone Wild.

A fiasco.

After the fascination... I'm caught wondering. Wondering what their lives are going to be like after this... wondering if they were really as drunk as CNN proclaims... or if they might have actually been in love?

What I don't understand: you can let us have sex in bar bathrooms... because it's- like- so hott XD. But you can't allow us to marry because it's- like- so gross.

Get with the program, America.

We're not porn. We're people.

This is fabulous beyond all mortal comprehension and reason.

(And yes, this is a plug- but it *is* fabulous. Promise~)

"Dance, Dance" by the Fallout Boys is extremely addictive. And this is coming from a prim and proper classical lover whose favorite artist is Loreena Mckennitt. ;p We may all thank my younger sister for this.

~*~

November is such an introspective month for me... actually- all of Autumn finds a notebook in my hand- a pen directed from my heart... and my soul thinking of what's been- and what will be. This sometimes has me thinking of sad moments in the past- and happy moments in the future... which then leads to me become even more introspective... It's a spiral thing. One which Jenn is being so very good about dealing with- and listening to...

For all of the words I speak and write- I do still have the habit of masks. Masks- that which you use to hide what you are truly feeling. I would rather deal with things myself than trouble those I love with them... that's always how I've been... and probably how I will continue to be. However- in Autumn... some of the masks come down- and I find myself remembering things- and reiterating them with whispered syllables.

I don't like it. It makes me feel vulnerable and open- more than I believe is comfortable... actually- more than I feel is comfortable... and then there are all the agonized moments after- wondering if what I said was really a good thing to speak of.

Wondering if some memories are meant to be hidden in your own mind for always.

My best friend said that a soul mate is- in a world of hard edges- the safest, softest place to fall. And this I truly believe. It's just... still hard for me to comprehend exactly how safe and soft and amazing a soul mate actually is... the stories can't compare. The myths do not come close...

"We're going into D minor... Dance, dance..."

Well- this is pretty cool... but I've already been spoiled- as have many literary minded people- by Project Gutenberg. While not scans, PG offers free downloads via text documents of classical literature.

I believe that Google is doing an incredible thing... and with the "Google" name attached- it will definitely be more publicized than PG... which is an unhappy turn of events, since Gutenberg has been around so much longer...

But literature to the masses? I can handle that~

"All nature, all formations, all creatures exist in and with one another..."
~The Gospel of Mary Magdalene, 4:22

My basest- truest- deepest belief, is that everything is connected. That there is a brilliant spiral that we all journey upon... that all are part of one another.

I have been acutely happy in recent days. It's a passion of joy that has gripped me from my very being. Yes- I am stressing in the extreme... it seems that my entire life is due at the end of this week. But- I am making absolutely certain that I take each moment with a sense of deep grace and gratitude...

Everything is a gift.

Last year at this time- there was no hope that I would be with my sweetheart in the immediate future. I scraped myself through the holiday season with the aching knowledge that I was not with her- and that I could not be. It was painful beyond any words... And it tore me apart.

Fast forward one year. A single year. One year. I am living out my Happily Ever After with the most amazing woman in the world. We spent a year and a half apart- and suffered greatly... and now- those aching moments are but memories. I am going home to my sweetheart, tonight.

What is Fate? Is it a set of sequences we are promised in this life? Is it a thread of destiny that ties us together... or apart? I do not believe that- as mortals- we can ever comprehend the magnanimous concept of Free Will intertwined with a predestined life... But I also believe we can be grateful for it.

No matter what you're going through- no matter where you are... you are held by something so much greater...

I am so grateful for the difference one year can make.

I love you so much, my beauty.

We actually remained tame last night- the most exciting part of our evening involving grocery shopping. ;p Instead of some cheesy slasher movie, we imbued ourselves in the second disc of the second season of The L Word. This involved high amounts of melodrama and cheese popcorn. Heavens, I love that show~

NaNoWriMo began at midnight- twixt Halloween and this- ye olde November 1'st. I have not written a word yet- saving everything for the Kick off Party tonight~

I am part of The Buffalo Writers Group- and helped organize this kick off party. We are so beyond excited- we're expecting a really fabulous turn out- so many people have RSVPed... This should be big.

And I still haven't the foggiest of what I'm writing- but I'm there to help already-burned-out writers retain some of the spunk that they had at midnight... And to drink lots and lots of over priced coffee. :D

The most amazing part of this evening? I convinced my sweetheart to do this with me. She's actually coming to the party, and shall sit her beautiful self down on one of the chairs at my favorite coffee house- and gracefully type out poetry disguised as a novel~ Which, actually, is every wish of mine come true. ;p

Viva la NaNo!